Ernest Bai Koroma

President of Sierra Leone
by Derek

What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of Sierra Leone? Nothing? Civil War? Diamonds? That beverage that is kinda like Fresca but not really? I’ll tell you what I think about: fancy hats.

Admittedly, this is probably because I was thinking about fancy hats before anyone mentioned Sierra Leone (specifically: fancy cats in fancy hats), but you should remember the equation. Fancy hats = Sierra Leone. Memorize that one. It will be on the quiz.

Xanana Gusmão

Prime Minister of East Timor
by Derek

Xanana Gusmão looks like the kind of guy you could have a jam session with. After that, he’d probably read you some poetry, and then give you a massage. And then the massage would turn into… something else.

Actually, Xanana doesn’t just look like that kind of guy, he is that guy! I know, because that’s how he became leader of a country that previously didn’t exist.

Joseph Kabila

President of the Democratic Republic of the Congo
by Derek

The DRC is very hot right now. Well, actually it is not as hot as it normally is, since I’m writing this in July and it’s “winter” there. But it is normally very hot! It is also a “hot-bed” of violent insurrection (also a year-round, every-year occurrence)! And, of course, it has one of the hottest world leaders in Joseph Kabila. Are these things related? Probably.

At first glance, Kabila stands out among his African peers, because he doesn’t have scars on his face. Most African leaders have scars, because they macheted their way to power in the bush. Kabila, however, was born into power as a result of the violent and bloodthirsty work of his father. Sadly, Kabila’s father (also named Kabila, interestingly enough) died shortly after seizing power, due to complications associated with multiple machete wounds to the face. But that leaves his son Joseph to rise to the top(ish) of our charts!

Yulia Tymoshenko

Former Prime Minister of Ukraine
by Derek

Ukrainian Prime Minister Julia Tymoshenko may be hot now, but for most of her life she was very, very obese. A successful oil tycoon, Tymoshenko fed off the dreams of downwardly mobile Ukrainians; their blood and sweat fattened Tymoshenko’s pocketbook, which in turn she used to fatten herself. Caring little about the struggles of the common man, Tymoshenko spent all day eating exotic meats and watching television.

“O. M. G,” she said one afternoon, vocalizing each letter to her servant, “Viktor Yushchenko is so hot!