King of Bhutan
by Kate.
One question that we get a lot is “Is your website a dating service?”
The answer, of course, is yes. Obviously.
Running a country can be a lot of work.* Some world leaders work as many as 10 or 15 hours a week! Now, that might not sound like a lot to all of you workaholics who are used to putting in 18-hour weeks, but keep in mind that only about half of that time is spent engaging in hand-to-hand combat with challengers to the throne (or, for heads of government, challengers to the regular chair). The rest of the time they are doing data entry, which makes the time pass really slowly. And don’t forget that in countries like Colombia a day is only 22 hours long, because it is so close to the sun.
For the average head of state, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to find a suitable mate. And that’s why we’re here: To find romantic companions for all of the leaders of the world, without them even having to ask us, and then impose our choices upon them, even if they’re already married, or have taken a vow of chastity (I’m looking at you, Pope), or have politely but forcefully declined our repeated advances (I’m looking at you again, Pope.)
One of the most eligible bachelors on our list of hot world leaders is His Majesty King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck, Dragon King of Bhutan. Admittedly there are a few misinformed people out there who think that because King Khesar’s official title is “Dragon King,” it means that he is a dragon. This could not be further from the truth. He is called the Dragon King because the Bhutanese people are dragons, and he is their king. (When I say “Bhutanese people,” I am using the term “people” loosely.) I for one think it is very enlightened of dragons to acknowledge that humans are their intellectual superiors and elect a human as their leader. Bees could learn a lesson from dragons.
Today I am proud to announce that, after a long and exhaustive search, we have found the perfect woman for King Khesar. And, in an unexpected twist, it’s me! Yes, me! We had millions of women fill out our patented compatibility survey, and after extensive analysis we have scientifically determined that I am King Khesar’s ideal mate because my survey was the only one that was not destroyed in a warehouse fire under suspicious circumstances. According to this survey, I am uniquely suited to be King Khesar’s wife because I am willing to move to the tropical island paradise that is Bhutan and live with him in his mansion built out of coconuts and serviced by hundreds of iguana butlers. (I think iguanas are scary-looking though, so we are going to have to gas them.**)
One of the hardest things about running a dating service is forcing the people you’ve matched up to go on dates. This is especially challenging when some of them claim they never even signed up for your dating service in the first place. That is why I hope you will join me in going to King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck’s Facebook page and encouraging him to invite me to a romantic picnic dinner on the sun-baked shores of one of his many private Bhutanese beaches. Thank you in advance.
*Except for Djibouti, which practically runs itself.
**I just feel like writing footnotes today!!!!
Posted by headofkate 
You might assume that this is a photo of Dr. Yayi Boni raising his hand to volunteer as a white-on-white bowtie model. Or, alternatively, that he is crying out for help because some miscreant has stolen the rims off his glasses. But Yayi Boni is not doing any of things. In fact, this photo was taken seconds after Yayi Boni asked the rhetorical question “Who thinks saying ‘Yayi Boni’ is fun?” In response, he raised his hand and said “Yayi Boni thinks it’s fun! Yayi Boni!” And indeed, it is hard to disagree with him.
Alert: here is my list of banned words for 2010:
In an obscure but sexually charged observation, H.L. Menken said – probably in a throaty whisper – that in a democracy “the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.” Indeed. We at Hottest Heads of State allowed the common people to have a say in our ranking of world leaders by hotness, and we got it good and hard. In grudging acknowledgment of your comments, we have revised our list. Before you begin poring over the changes and getting all wrapped around the axle about how we ranked people, we’d like to make a few points:
Just in case God reads this website, I want to make sure it’s clear that JD is the one who doubts the hotness of Pope Benedict XVI. (Although this does beg the question: Can God read?)
Do you know what’s scary? Nazis. Did you know that there are Nazis out there right now? On the internet? I know that may strike you at first as surprising. What do Nazis want with the internet, anyway? Usually when I hear about Nazis doing things, the internet is nowhere to be found.
In all likelihood, no one would find it hard to believe I was leading a secret double life. But this is just because I don’t get a whole lot done in my normal, visible life. “Maybe JD doesn’t actually spend all his time sitting on the couch drinking beer and playing video games. Maybe he’s also working under an assumed name as a gas station attendant, or a pharmaceutical clinical trial subject? Perhaps he’s a bigamist? Because surely there must be more to him than meets the eye.”
As you may have noticed (if you’re my travel agent… or my husband… or my boss) I spent last month in Lithuania. Lithuania is a popular vacation destination for those of us who are stalking Alexander Lukashenko but have been banned from Belarus for one reason or another. While there, I managed to land an imaginary interview with Lithuanian president and boyfriend-stealing hussy Dalia Grybauskaite. The transcript follows.
What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of Sierra Leone? Nothing? Civil War? Diamonds? That beverage that is kinda like Fresca but not really? I’ll tell you what I think about: fancy hats.