by Kate.

Thank you to everyone who participated in our second official poll. To those of you who didn’t participate… I have nothing more to say to you. Please stop reading this and look out the window so those us of who care about polls and democracy and freedom can have a private conversation.
Our second official poll provided an answer to one of the great unsolved math problems that has plagued mathematicians since the dawn of math plagues:
Does Power + Russian + Shirtless, Muscley Photographs = Hotness?
I don’t know why mathematicians didn’t just solve this problem with a poll, like we did. I mean, how hard is it to conduct a scientific poll? (I assume that “scientific poll” means a poll that is taken by scientists. I also assume that you guys are all scientists.)
How hot is Putin? Currently, he’s #18 on our list. Should he be ranked higher? Or lower?
The winner: Lower (50%)
Over 5,000 of you think that Putin’s hotness is overrated. That, or one of you owns over 5,000 computers.
So even with all of his power and Russianness and shirtlessness, the majority opinion is that Putin resembles (as one voter put it) “a fox whose face is being pushed through cling film.” I see your point, but what the hell is “cling film”? On my planet, we call it “saran wrap.” I am intrigued by your alien planet that is seemingly identical to Earth in every respect except for the term “saran wrap.”

Photo of Putin on horseback included due to popular demand. (Popular demand = 1 person.)
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First runner-up: Higher (42%)
4,000 voters think that Putin’s hotness is underrated. To tell you the truth, I am totally with you. It’s just a shame that the answers to math problems are determined by popular opinion polls. You know, the Pythagorean theorem was almost a2 + b2 = c. It lost out to a2 + b2 = c2 by just shy of 100 votes.
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Second runner-up: No Change (7%)
I am glad that a tiny percentage of you think that we are doing a just-fine job of ranking world leaders in order of hotness. As one of you guessed, we did in fact determine the rankings by pulling names out of a hat, which admittedly isn’t super-scientific, but we were wearing lab coats at the time, which I think helped.
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Third runner-up: Other (1%)
The joke is on you, “Other,” because I am too lazy to count your votes. Also, how is “Kate sucks” a coherent answer to the question? I’m talking to you, Mom. (My mom likes to heckle me.)
Many of you expressed the opinion that Putin shouldn’t even be on our list because he’s not a head of state. Clearly you did not realize that—in spite of the misleading name of our website—our list is actually a ranking of the hottest presidents of Russia. That’s right. What have you got to say now?
Knowing you, you’ll probably say “Where is Boris Yeltsin?” and “Why is Barack Obama on there?” So I’m just going to ask you to keep your comments to yourself.
I can tell you’re thinking about leaving a comment right now. Resist.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: In accordance with the wishes of the poll, we will be taking Putin down a few notches in our upcoming revamp of The List. So now you have something to look forward to! Unless you are Putin.)
Posted by theonlykate
Do you know what’s scary? Nazis. Did you know that there are Nazis out there right now? On the internet? I know that may strike you at first as surprising. What do Nazis want with the internet, anyway? Usually when I hear about Nazis doing things, the internet is nowhere to be found.
Posted by jdfever
In all likelihood, no one would find it hard to believe I was leading a secret double life. But this is just because I don’t get a whole lot done in my normal, visible life. “Maybe JD doesn’t actually spend all his time sitting on the couch drinking beer and playing video games. Maybe he’s also working under an assumed name as a gas station attendant, or a pharmaceutical clinical trial subject? Perhaps he’s a bigamist? Because surely there must be more to him than meets the eye.”
Posted by jdfever
As you may have noticed (if you’re my travel agent… or my husband… or my boss) I spent last month in Lithuania. Lithuania is a popular vacation destination for those of us who are stalking Alexander Lukashenko but have been banned from Belarus for one reason or another. While there, I managed to land an imaginary interview with Lithuanian president and boyfriend-stealing hussy Dalia Grybauskaite. The transcript follows.
What’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of Sierra Leone? Nothing? Civil War? Diamonds? That beverage that is kinda like Fresca but not really? I’ll tell you what I think about: fancy hats.
One of the worst things about the internet is the anonymity it provides a certain class of individuals to spew their hateful, offensive speech. Specifically: nerds. Since we started this website, I’ve been hearing from a lot of nerds whining about the difference between “head of state” and “head of government.” Things along the lines of “you have my country’s head of government on your website, not the head of state.” Combined with all of the “you misspelled the name of my country,” and “you stole my copyrighted image, cease and desist” comments from the peanut gallery, it gets a little tedious.
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
“My friend, I can tell you are a smart guy, so I’m just going to give it to you straight: I have got a great deal for you.
1950’s crooner and Republic of Cyprus President Dimitris Christofias will be appearing for 60 nights only at the Goldrush! Riverboat Casino beginning June 12th, performing the songs that made your heart melt. Or possibly your parents’ hearts.
So. Our first official poll has closed, and the people have spoken. (Well, technically the people have clicked. Maybe some people spoke, but we didn’t hear them.)